When Messages go Unanswered

Why Being Ignored Stings and How to Stop Taking It Personally

Dr Lakshmi Ramachandran, PhD- Brilliance to Influence- Executive Influence Strategist

5 min read

You send a message. And then there’s silence - no reply, no acknowledgment, no signal that you’re on the other side waiting.

Or maybe you sent a thoughtful LinkedIn message to another professional you've actually met, not a cold outreach, and days have gone by. Silence.

And then there's the other kind of silence. You were building something with someone. Conversations that stretched past midnight, the kind of easy back-and-forth that made you think, yes, this is going somewhere. And then, without warning or reason, they vanished. You have been ghosted.

We've all been here. What does an unanswered messaged really make you feel? About them and about yourself?

The Story We Tell Ourselves in the Silence

Was it something I said? Am I too much? Do they really care? I am not writing again, my self-respect is more important!!!

Rejection, abandonment, not a priority. These feelings are real. Human beings are neurologically built for social connection. Dr. Matthew Lieberman, a neuroscientist at UCLA, found in his research that social pain coming from rejection, exclusion or being ignored activates the same regions of the brain as physical pain. Something as simple as an unacknowledged message can genuinely hurt.

The danger isn't the unanswered message itself. It's the story that's build around it. They don't value me. I reached out and it meant nothing. I am forgettable. We fill silence with narrative, and that narrative almost always says something unkind about us.

Reframing the Silence - Without Dismissing Your Feelings

Here's what's worth holding onto: most unanswered messages are not about you.

They are about bandwidth, timing, mental load, avoidance patterns, anxiety, a chaotic week, or simply the way some people relate to their phones. Research published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that people often delay or avoid replying not out of disinterest, but because they feel pressure to respond "properly" and don't have the emotional energy to do so in the moment , and then forget entirely.

The read receipt culture has made this worse. We can see that someone saw our message, which removes plausible deniability and makes silence feel more deliberate than it often is.

Reframing doesn't mean pretending it didn't sting. It means choosing not to let someone else's communication style become your self-worth. Their silence is data about their capacity in that moment, not a verdict on your value.

The other aspects to think about (which I often tell my students who reach out to professionals here on LinkedIn and feel dejected by a lack of response), are - 1) Your Ask- Is it too big? 2) The timing, and 3) How easy/difficult have you made it for them to respond.

The Other Side of the Screen

Now, if you've ever been the one who didn't reply, and it happens to the best of us with the best intentions, it's worth being honest about why.

• Sometimes life genuinely got in the way. You read the message during a meeting, meant to reply later, and it slipped into the void.

• Sometimes the question felt too big and you didn't know how to answer it.

• Sometimes the relationship had run its course and you didn't have the courage to say so clearly.

  
  

But leaving people in ambiguity has a cost. Not just to them, but to the connection itself.

 A simple "Hey, I saw this and will get back to you properly soon" takes eleven seconds and preserves trust. If you genuinely want to set a boundary or create distance, a kind, clear message does far less damage than disappearing.

Ghosting isn't neutral. It transfers your discomfort onto someone else.

Being a more mindful communicator doesn't mean being available to everyone, always. It means being intentional. Acknowledge when you can. Be honest when you can't.

Why Acknowledgment Matters More Than We Think

At the core of every unanswered message is a human being who reached out. Who chose, in that moment, to make contact. Acknowledgment, even brief, even imperfect, says: I see you. You're not invisible to me.

That matters enormously. It is, in its quietest form, how we maintain the fabric of our relationships.

And for those of you on the other end, waiting and wondering: your worth was never in someone else's hands to begin with. The message you sent says something about your willingness to connect. Their silence says something about their capacity to receive it.

Don't confuse the two.

About the Author

I am Dr Lakshmi Ramachandran, PhD, an Executive Influence Strategist, keynote speaker, and PhD-trained scientist who helps leaders in science, technology, pharma and healthcare translate brilliance into confident, impactful communication.

If this resonated with you, follow me for more reflections on communication, self-worth, and leadership, and subscribe to my newsletter for deeper insights delivered directly to your inbox. https://www.drlakshmispeaks.com/