Start Playing Big
- Lakshmi Ramachandran
- 2 days ago
- 4 min read
Updated: 2 days ago
What It Really Takes to Lead With Influence
Something is shifting in our world right now, and we all can feel it.
As a parent and a lifeskills educator, especially communication skills, I spend my days teaching that real power lives in connection, kindness and resilience. Yes, I believe in that deeply. But lately, I've been wrestling with a harder truth.
Believing in those values doesn't mean you get to opt out of understanding power from experience. You just cannot play the real world game without knowing the rules.
The moment this became clear to me didn't come from a book or a classroom. It came from my then 12 year old son, standing on the sidelines before a football match. I was giving him what I thought was wise advice. “Focus on your best self, don't worry about your opponents.”
He listened, then looked at me and said something I wasn't expecting: "While it's important to bring out your best self, you also need to observe the weaknesses and strengths of your opponents and use that to your advantage."
I didn't correct him. I couldn't. He was right.
At 12, he already understood something it took me decades to grasp. That you can only truly play to your strengths when you understand the full landscape around you. Knowing yourself is one half of the equation. Knowing the field, you're playing on is the other. There is real power in that kind of discernment.
At his age, I was the opposite. I wanted peace above all else. I avoided conflict. I gave freely - my time, my energy and my loyalty because giving felt good and fighting felt wrong. I told myself this was strength. I told myself this was character.
What I didn't see was the slow erosion happening underneath.
It doesn't happen dramatically. Nobody announces the day they start taking you for granted. It begins quietly. A friend or a family member forgets to acknowledge you, yet expects you to keep giving, decides on something important without checking with you, you become the scape goat in parties, and a colleague takes credit for your idea without acknowledgment.
Someone borrows your energy, your kindness, your hard work and instead of it deepening the relationship, it simply becomes the "expected". You give more. They adjust to receiving more. And somewhere in that transaction, a version of you goes missing.
This is how power gets quietly taken away. Not through force, but through our own willingness to keep the peace at the cost of our presence.
I spent years thinking that not fighting was the same as being above the fight. But peace purchased by self-erasure isn't peace - it's surrender in slow motion. And the longer I surrendered, the smaller I became in spaces where I deserved to stand fully.
Here's what I know now that I wish someone had told me sooner: competitiveness is not the opposite of kindness. It is a survival and thriving tactic.
Understanding power dynamics doesn't make you hard , it makes you wise and whole:
You can lead with love and still refuse to be overlooked.
You can be generous and still have non-negotiable limits.
You can be the most patient person in the room and still be the one everyone knows not to underestimate.
My son taught me that on a football pitch. The world has been reinforcing it ever since.
Three things I want you to carry with you:
Power is not taken - it is released. Most of us give it away incrementally, in moments we barely notice. Awareness is where reclamation begins.
Discernment is not cynicism. Seeing people and situations clearly - strengths, weaknesses, and all is not a betrayal of your values. It is wisdom in action.
You are allowed to take up space. In conversations, in decisions, in relationships. Not at the expense of others, but no longer at the expense of yourself.
This is exactly why I created the Reclaim Your Power series.
Because too many of us have been quietly shrinking, and it's time to change that. As an Executive Influence Strategist, I've seen this pattern play out in leadership teams, and everyday relationships.
The common thread is almost never a lack of skill or intelligence - it's a breakdown in how power is communicated. We either don't speak up, speak too softly, or have never been shown what it looks like to hold authority with both strength and grace.
In this short series, I'll be teaching you exactly that. How to reclaim your power through the right communication. How to speak so you are heard. How to position yourself so you are respected. How to show up in every room as someone who leads, not someone who accommodates.
Follow the Reclaim Your Power series and let's rebuild - from the inside out.
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